The sunshine after the storm

I really feel like finally the clouds have shifted on our run of bad luck with Xavier's health, and the sun is now peeking through. He had his second eye surgery on Weds just gone (the 29th) and it has so far been a success. You might remember we thought one of the muscles had popped its stitching from the first surgery and was now lying unattached somewhere behind the eye. Xavier did not have his full range of eye movement and was quite obviously struggling to see. The surgeon was expecting a big invasive operation where he would have to go in behind the eye and try to find this muscle in amongst everything, pick it up, rework it and attach it. I was also concerned about the reaction he had after waking from the last surgery. He was very difficult to rouse and I had a nervous hour long wait while I waited for him to stir. For about 36hrs after the surgery I felt he was extremely groggy and not "with it". They assured me he was fine and that it would pass which it did. I just felt it was a very extreme reaction.

This time we had a different anesthetist and I spoke to him about my concerns. He looked at Xav's records and said he thought it was unlikely that the anesthetic had caused the prolonged grogginess. He thought it was more likely that the pain relief he was given during the surgery (which happened to be morphiene) was the culprit. So they did the surgery using a different drug and sure enough he pulled through just fine, woke up properly and recovered at home a lot better and a lot quicker. So obviously he had quite a strong reaction to morphiene.

As for the surgery itself it went wonderfully. When the specialist got in there he saw that the muscle we thought was unattached was actually right where it was supposed to be. All that had happened was another muscle that was worked on in the first surgery had healed funny. It had formed a huge heap of scar tissue which was so big that it had jammed the eye into the wrong position. We were thinking Xav couldn't move his eye because the muscle was not there to move it, but all that was happening was that it was caught and being held in the one position. All the doctor had to do was take away the scar tissue and that was it. We now have a much straighter eye, and a much happier little boy. All resulting from a surgery that was nowhere as big as we thought it would have to be. It is a fantastic relief.

We see the doctor for post operative check on Oct 20 but already I can see a big improvement in the eye and in my son all over. You all might remember that Xavier has been very behind on his motor skills because his vision has been lacking? He is turning 2 in Jan and has been seeing a baby physio because he still isn't walking. Well the day after the operation he just all of a sudden took off and started walking, and has been doing really well. We are overjoyed. Thanks so much for everyone's prayers they have obviously helped so much. And sorry this post is late - I have been laid up with a cold and have been taking things easy. I'll post again soon.
Love to all xoxoxoxo

My little cake fiend

Xavier has discovered cake in a big way! You might remember it was Joel's birthday back in Aug when Xav was sick. We weren't able to go out and celebrate so we had a little dinner at home and I made a mud cake. My little miserable boy who at that time was eating like a bird, decided the cake tasted pretty good. It was good to see him eating something so I didn't mind at all that it was full of sugar and butter. You have to have fun at a birthday party right??!!

Today I made a chocolate cake for my SIL birthday dinner. We went over for Thai food and I offered to make the cake and bring it along, even though she is a fabulous cake baker and I am pretty mediocre, because I don't think anyone should have to make their own birthday cake! As I was putting the icing on the cake Xavier spotted it and realised what it was. I guess he was remembering that it was the same yummy stuff that he ate when Daddy had a birthday not too long ago. He was dying to have a bite and hung off my leg while I iced the cake. He tried to reach up and grab at the cake several times and when I tried to divert his attention to something else he threw a huge tantrum. I even got Joel to make him a sandwich in case he may have just been hungry. He pushed the sandwich away and went straight back to where I was icing the cake, sat on the floor at my feet, and howled.

Later that night at my SIL house we finished dinner and finally it was time for cake. My little boy's face lit up when the cake was brought out and he was finally allowed to have a piece. He ate every last crumb with a look of ecstasy on his face. It was hilarious. I guess I have a little sweet tooth on my hands!

PS> I have updated Xavier's pic on my blog just to the right of this post. He is growing up so fast!

Have a great week all! xoxoxoxo

Surgery has been postponed

Xavier is still quite unwell. His sores are gone but last Fri he started having high fevers and we ended up back at the doctor surgery. The doctor said that he now also has an ear infection. So for a few days we had sores and an ear infection to cope with, but now thankfully we are minus those horrible sores, thankyou Lord!! lol
Xav is having to take a course of oral antibiotics now for the ear, and as a result his surgery has been postponed until September 29. My poor little man is feeling quite unwell indeed and I am taking him back to the doctors for the third time tomorrow as he was quite miserable this afternoon and started running a slight fever again. I rang the doctor to try to get an app tonight but they were solidly booked so we are going in the morning.

Don't have heaps of energy to type a lot tonight so I'll sign off here, thanks so much for the comments and prayers. Love to all of you xoxoxo

Catching up with everyone

Wow the time has flown since I last posted. I just want to apologise that once again I have been very slack with updating and with commenting on everyone's blogs. I would like everyone to know that when this happens I always feel very guilty that I haven't been able to sit down and write to everyone. But I always do find the time to read all your blogs and catch up on your news. So while sometimes I am silent, I still care a lot and I am still up to date in your lives.

It has been totally crazy at our house. We have been awaiting a surgery date for Xavier to have his eye re-done. On Tues I got a call from the hospital that he would be operated on next Weds on Sept 1. The next day (which was Weds just gone) he woke up covered in these funny spots all over his face. I had no idea what they were - they didn't look like measles or chicken pox and besides which he has been immunised against all of those. They were like tiny pimples with yellow tips. Straight to the doctor we went and it turns out he has Impetigo (school sores). Because they are highly contagious Xavier is kind of under house arrest, which means so am I. So no daycare for him and no work for me. Everything that he touches has to be cleaned straight away for fear of Joel and myself catching it or of him reinfecting himself. This means all towels, face washers, bed linen, stuffed toys etc all have to be continually washed and disinfected. On top of having my little boy needing my attention because the poor little lamb feels awful (the sores itch and make him feel achey/feverish) it is also tough work keeping everything hygenic. I had to call the hospital and imform them that he has Impetigo. They said if the sores are gone by Mon (he is not contagious once the sores are gone) then I can take him to the doctor and ask for a medical clearance. If I can get a signed medical clearance form on Monday then the surgery will go ahead. If not, then the surgery will be postponed. To tell you the truth I don't mind either way. Whatever is meant to be, will be. If we have to wait then never mind.

The other thing that this has also affected is Joel's 29th birthday which is on Sat. We had a big dinner planned with both sides of our family but we have now cancelled it. While we were both looking forward to it of course we don't mind having to cancel for our little man. We are now going to get take away pizza just the three of us, and I will bake a mudcake. Then when Xav goes to bed Joel and I will watch a movie. I have the best present organised for Joel but I will tell you all after I give it to him in case he sees the blog lol.

Lots of love to all of you. May you all have fabulous weekends and thanks for continuing to put up with my erratic posting xoxoxoxo

This post is overdue...

Hi everyone! Better late than never, here I am back in the swing of things. I do apologise its just been a bit of a rough few weeks. As well as the issues I spoke about last time, we have so much stuff going on, so here's a quick update in bullet points:


Xavier's eye specialist Dr H recently returned from holidays and we had an appointment with him. The paperwork was filed for Xavier to return to hospital for another operation - I am just waiting for the hospital to call me with a date. It should be in the next month or so.


When we saw the paediatrician back in May to discuss Xavier's delayed motor skills he asked me during the visit whether there was any medical problems in the family history. I mentioned that as a baby/young child Joel suffered from chronic ear infections and had to have several surgeries to insert grommits etc. He was in pain quite a lot and his speech was quite delayed due to not being able to hear at full function. Even now he suffers from ear and sinus pain from time to time, especially when he gets a cold. The paed said in that case, even though his speech/communication doesn't appear to be delayed we may as well send Xavier for a hearing test just because of the family history. We did that a couple weeks ago and the test actually showed that he wasn't picking up lower frequency sounds as well as he should. So they then did a pressure test on the ear which they put a device in the ear which measured the vibrations of the ear. It should be vibrating a certain amount for normal hearing ability. The test showed he has reduced vibration which indicates fluid in the ears (which was Joel's problem). Because things like that can be caused by something as simple as a cold or teething, and that can in turn have affected his hearing for the test, we are being retested again in September to compare results. If they are normal then we have nothing to worry about. If they are the same again then we will have to see the audiologist and have further tests done. My poor little munchkin always at the doctors. I must say though he is so laid back nothing seems to bother him. He's a brave boy.


And my gosh I sound like a hypochondriac but I have actually been really sick for about 3 weeks with a mouth infection. I started to get what I thought was a virus/ stomach bug a few weeks ago. My stomach felt churny and I felt like I had a slight fever. It didn't seem to go away and I started feeling worse and then my mouth started hurting. I have got a wisdom teeth which only partially came up through the gum (it is trapped by another tooth) and it has been like that for years and never been an issue. But it started to hurt and then my gum started swelling up around it. I never put two and two together and associated my "virus" with my mouth. I called the dentist and couldn't get an appointment for two days and I thought that would be fine as it wasn't hurting too much. But by the time the appointment came the infection had gotten a lot worse. The gum had swollen into a huge ball onto of the tooth. And my whole mouth felt sore as if I had burnt it. Also a section of my tongue was also starting to swell. I was given some antibiotics and was told to come back when the infection went away because he can't touch the tooth while it is infected. I have been so sick with this infection and have only just started feeling better thank goodness. I have not been a happy camper at all.




Stacey asked me to post a pic of my bunnies so here we go:

The white one on the left is Bonnie she is 6 years old. We originally had her with Albert, a 2 year old who looked just like her and then he had to be put to sleep due to a brain tumor. We were terribly upset. So we have now got Jimmy who is the one on the right (his colouring is called seal point). Jimmy is only 1 year old and he is like a silly playful puppy. He is just beautiful. Because Bon is so much older she is a much quieter bunny and often looks at him jumping around with a look on her face like "what in the world are you doing now???". But its amazing how they really seem to love each other so much even though they are so different. Bunnies don't have a grieving period like humans and often when they lose a mate they fret and become so depressed and all they want is the comfort of another body to snuggle with. When Jimmy came into our home that was certainly true for Bonnie as when Albert died she did go very quiet and just slept a lot. She was introduced to Jimmy and all she wanted was to sit up against him and have someone near her again. It was so very sweet. And poor Jimmy came from a situation where he was owned by a young girl who bought him from a pet shop as a baby bunny. She kept him in a cage and fed him commercial rabbit mix which is generally full of dried corn and seed and sugar and things that are bad for bunnies. People don't often do this out of meaness, a lot of vets and pet stores just give out totally wrong advice. People dont realise rabbits need several hours of free run exercise time a day and that their staple diet should be hay, with some fresh veggies and I also like to give a small amount of a high quality pellet so they get all their vitamins and minerals. When Jimmy came home he didn't know how to eat hay. He had only recently came to the rescue and they had been introducing it to him but it was still very new to him. I had to work very hard to get him eating a good amount of it, and Bonnie helped him too by showing him how it was done. Anyway that's the buns and they give us so much joy.

And lastly - we have an almost 3 year old dalmatian called Benji. His doggy mum Charli just had her second litter of puppies (Benji was one of the first litter). There were 9 in the litter and Joel, Xav and I went to see the pups last night (they are only 2 days old). And uh oh I have to say Joel and I both fell in love with a little girl puppy. The puppy has the tip of its ear missing. It was quite a difficult birth and had to be vet assisted, then ended up being a c section. Apparently this little one came out still in the sac and the vet had to cut it open. They think perhaps the ear was nicked in the process. She is just adorable and the ear thing has given her a real character. Joel and I have such a soft spot for the underdog. We will always like the cat that can't see or the dog with the missing leg. I think its why we like this little girl with the tip of her ear missing. Don't be surprised ladies and gents if we have a new puppy in the mix soon - we are both a bit smitten.

Well ok I better head off. Just want to say before I sign off - thanks to each and every one of you who leave comments for me here. You dont know how much they mean to me. It's fantastic to have so much support. And a special hello to Dianne who it's very nice to hear from again after the arrival of her little girl!

Have a great week everyone xoxoxoxo

Time marches on...

Hi everyone. I am really sorry that I am such a lousy blogger. I just wanted to write this quick post to explain some of my absence from this blog recently. On July 3rd - the day after my last post, it was the one year anniversary of our miscarriage. We got the news on June 30 2009 that our baby was not going to make it, and that we would have to wait it out for a miscarriage. If the miscarriage didn't happen by that coming Monday then they would be doing a D and C. I realise now it was a blessing I didn't have to go through surgery but at the time, when nature took its course and miscarriage began on Friday July 3rd 2009, it shocked me and scared me and saddened me, all at the same time. I can't describe how awful it was. Having the one year come up has brought a lot of it up again and so I am sorry if I am a bit quiet for now. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Not just with this but with everything. My baby boy is 18 months old on Friday. I can't believe it. I wish time could stand still for me and wait a little for me to catch up. The other day I was being awful to Joel - so moody and angry and speaking to him horribly, yelling at him about the way he had washed the towels. He just turned to me and said "Just tell me what you are so mad about, because I know it isn't about towels". Well I just crumbled and sobbed and before I knew what I was saying "I'm mad we lost our baby and we don't get to have another one" came out of my mouth. Joel held me for a long time and let me cry and said a lot of sweet things. It hurt a lot to go through it all with him, but it felt a relief to talk about the baby. Joel and I never talk about the baby even though I know we both grieve in our own ways. It is strange how when you have a miscarriage people ask how you are doing. Most of the time you don't want them to ask, you just want to forget and pretend it didn't happen. Then time passes and people stop asking how you are doing. Yet that is the time you most need them to ask.

Little baby - please know I never stop thinking of you, or wishing you were here. I look at your brother and I delight in all his antics and his cuddles, but I wish I could have yours too. xoxoxo

A few things inc Xavier's appointment

So first thing is first - Xavier had his appointment today with Dr F. He was a very nice doctor which put me at ease seeing as it is always nerve wracking to go see someone new, especially when it is related to your child's health. He said he agrees with the initial diagnosis from Dr H - that the stitch has popped therefore the muscle is sitting unattached behind the eye. He said there is also a chance the stitch has not popped all together but just loosened and the muscle has shifted. So it is still attached but just loosely and in the wrong place. He said the best thing to do was more surgery but that it wasn't an urgent matter and could wait till Dr H returned from holidays. We see him July 28. So even though the appointment revealed the disappointing news that an operation is back on the cards, at least his regular specialist can do it, and at least nothing dangerous is going on. I feel much more calm now knowing the matter is ok to wait for Dr H and nothing bad will happen while we wait. And just to add Xavier was so so good at his appointment too which always makes me proud.

Second piece of news is you might remember me posting about our rescue bunny Albert having to be put to sleep due to a suspected brain tumor. Our remaining bunny Bonnie has been missing him terribly and we decided to visit the rescue again to find her a new friend. This is the same rescue we did some volunteer work at. We plan to revisit that but have taken a break from it for the time being because of both my surgery back in May and Xavier's eye surgery - which of course has turned out to be a more lengthy drama. Anyway we have found the perfect boy - his name is Jim and he is 1 year old and was abandoned a few months ago and was yet to be adopted when we chose him. We did a little date with Bonnie and the interaction was positive. Bunnies are tough to bond together though so I am sure we are in for some fun and games when little Jim joins our family this Sunday.

Lastly I have been wanting to post this for awhile and then was amazed to see Stacey's post talking about memories. Stacey had something different to say but the simalar "good and bad memories" theme to what has been on my mind lately. I caught a rerun of the show Ally McBeal recently on cable and it reminded me of being 16. I used to watch that show every Monday back then and loved it. It seems a lifetime ago though and I wish I could bottle all the lessons I have learnt in those years gone by and pass them on to someone else. So many memories of so many things come flooding back when I reflect on the last almost 12 years of life. Hindsight is such a valuable thing and I have such guilt of how little faith I had throughout the challenges that I faced. I know we are "supposed" to give our problems over to the Lord as Christians and have faith that He knows best and that whatever happens will be the right outcome. We are supposed to know that His plan is the best plan. But I didn't know that. I still forget that. All those dark days when I longed for my baby and people kept telling me "don't worry God hasn't forgotten you" I really thought that He indeed had left me to flail. Now that I have lived through all that section of my life I realise how wrong I was and I feel so ashamed. I continually apologise to God but wonder how I can possibly undo my past attitude. I just want to say this in order to try to pass on that "lesson in a bottle" to you all. For all those who do wonder if God has lost your address, for all those who are still waiting for their miracle...God remembers you. Trust me!

Love to you all xoxoxoxo