OK so this might be a bit of a novel so I apologise. I think I have the comment function fixed on my blog so I would really appreciate some advice - I am a bit torn on what to do here.
Before working at my current job I worked at a jewellery store with a gorgeous bunch of girls. While I haven't kept in touch with absolutely everyone I worked with there, the time I spent working there was great, and there are a select few girls whom I definitely have kept in touch with and whom I consider to be true friends. My "best" friend there was "L". She and I spent so much time together, went out together a lot, had dinners at each others houses. She was my bridesmaid at my wedding and in all honesty was a tower of strength for me during the wedding planning, as I was dealing with problems with my sister at the time and was under a lot of stress. She organised my hens night, my bridal shower, went shopping with me, all that bridesmaid stuff. She even babysat our cat while we went on honeymoon! I took her out for dinner and to a concert to thank her for all she did for me.
After I left the jewellers and started my current job, we were still just as close. She and her partner moved house and she called me and invited me to a housewarming party they were having. I told her that it was the same day as my dad's birthday and so I would come to her party later in the night once I had had dinner with dad. The day before the party my dad was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. We were all quite worried and I wasn't in the mood for going to "L"'s housewarming as I wanted to focus on being with my dad. I tried calling her mobile (cell phone) but I got a message saying the phone had no signal and I would have to try again later. I tried many times over a 24 hr period and kept getting the same message. It was not uncommon for L and her partner to go on short holidays. I wondered if maybe they were away and therefore were somewhere that her phone wasn't getting reception. Maybe they would be returning for their party that night. I wasn't sure. So in the end, even though I hate cancelling on people through text message, I sent a message explaining about my dad and saying I wouldn't make it to her party. Because she had just moved house I did not have a correct home phone number. I also want to say that I rang the jewellers where she still worked. None of the girls there were going to the party but I left a message at the store anyway.
Weeks went by and I heard nothing from L. I tried calling a few more times over the next two weeks. Sometimes I would get the funny message on her mobile, and sometimes it would ring with no answer. I thought nothing of it, and assumed she would get back to me at some stage. This co incided with my egg retrieval surgery for our first IVF cycle. Then a few days after the surgery I was admitted to hospital with ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome and stayed there for over a week. Our embryo transfer had to be cancelled and our 9 embryos had to be frozen. It turned out only 2 were suitable for freezing so we lost 7. I blamed myself because I had gotten sick and when I returned back home, still not feeling the best physically, I was also really broken emotionally. On that first day home I laid in my bed all day and cried and felt so low. Then my phone beeped and it was L. She had sent me a text message abusing me for failing to show at her party which by this time was over a month ago. She called me some horrible things and said that I had become obsessed with trying to get pregnant and that obviously all I worried about was babies and myself these days. She obviously had not got any of my messages and so as far as she was concerned I had not showed up and hadn't even called. She had no idea of what was happening in my life at that time, and her text just happened to come on the worst day but I found it so petty when I had just been so sick and lost all but 2 of our embryos. My feelings were hurt too because anyone who knows me would know I would never not show up to somewhere I was expected without notifying someone. I would expect a close friend to know this and to give me the benefit of the doubt and at least call me to get an explanation before getting mad at me. Also in her rant she said something like "and if you are wondering why I am bringing this up now its because my phone has been broken and I have only just got a new one". I thought well if you know your phone hasn't been working why do you automatically assume I haven't called you? For all you know I have called many times (which I did) and have not been able to get in touch. Why then would you choose to abuse me without checking the facts first?
In my anger and upset I sent back a short message saying I didn't want to be friends anymore and for her to not contact me again. That was it. No explanation, no abuse back.
Several years have gone by since then and we have not been in contact. A few times she has tried to get back in touch with me but it has been done in a way that I have not appreciated. What I mean by that is that obviously I am not perfect and no one is, so obviously from time to time we say the wrong thing, lose our temper etc. I am a believer in forgiving things like that within reason as long as I get an apology. If I did the wrong thing I would give someone a call or go over to their house and talk with them face to face. I would say "Hey, I am so sorry. I did the wrong thing. I said an awful thing to you. What can I do to help you forgive me because I feel terrible I have upset you? etc". Despite my phone numbers or address not changing since she was in contact with me, L has never tried to call or come over. Once she sent a Christmas card but all she wrote was "Dear Jo and family" and "Love from L" with the printed greeting in the middle that is put in the card at the factory when it's made. She didn't write anything extra. A couple times she has bumped into friends of mine and asked them do they still keep in touch with me. When they have said yes, she has asked them to say hi for her. I know some people would see this as putting in an effort but I feel the effort is minimal and in a way it kind of makes my feelings even more hurt that she hasn't done more. I also know that once when she bumped into a friend of mine, my friend told L all about the fact that I had tried to get in touch with her to say I wasn't coming to her party, that my dad was sick etc and also told her that her nasty text had come on a day when I had just come out of hospital. Even after knowing all of that, that is the best she has done to try to be friends again. Others will say that I should be the bigger person and extend my hand in friendship to open the door again, but I just don't believe it should be put on me when I feel like I did nothing wrong. I know that is stubborn but that is how I feel.
Anyway today she has sent me a friend request on facebook. She hasn't written anything on the message, just sent the request. I have no idea if I should accept it or not. Any thoughts??? :)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
"I want that!"
Xavier has been seeing a speech therapist since last year to help him with his communication. Yes he is 2 and a half, I hear you say, but up untill now his communication has been in the form of gesturing/pointing and grunting. He does say some words, but not really in a conversation form. When he talks it is more that he is pointing something out to me and has learnt the corresponding word to that item - like he will point to his shoe and say "shoe" or to a tree and say "tree". There are a few things that he has learnt by imitation as well, like when he tells my mum and dad's dog to "sit" and when Dad and I took Xavier shopping for my mum's birthday handbag and my dad taught him the "go team" thing. Other than those things, when he tries to communicate with me he will point and grunt. If he wants a drink, for example he will take my hand and lead me to the fridge, then tap on the fridge and grunt - he doesn't actually come out and say "I want a drink". A two and a half year old should be able to hold a basic conversation. You should be able to ask them what they want on a sandwich and they should be able to think about the options and choose one, for example. Many tantrums have resulted over the past few months when the pointing and grunting haven't been quite enough for me to establish what exactly Xavier wants. It is very frustrating for both him and me, so the speech therapist has been working with us so that I can teach him to actually verbalise what he wants or needs. We have been using hand signs and picture boards for him to point to, which really have helped a lot.
You can imagine my delight the other day when Xavier pointed to a tub of yoghurt in our fridge and said so clearly "I want that". I nearly fell over with surprise! I picked up the yoghurt and asked him "You want this? You want some yoghurt?" and he said "want yoghurt". Well I got that lid off the yoghurt and got him a spoon quick smart, and when he saw that his need had been met he squealed in delight and clapped. It was like a lightbulb moment for him, and I tell you what, it made my week!!
You can imagine my delight the other day when Xavier pointed to a tub of yoghurt in our fridge and said so clearly "I want that". I nearly fell over with surprise! I picked up the yoghurt and asked him "You want this? You want some yoghurt?" and he said "want yoghurt". Well I got that lid off the yoghurt and got him a spoon quick smart, and when he saw that his need had been met he squealed in delight and clapped. It was like a lightbulb moment for him, and I tell you what, it made my week!!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Xavier has an MRI
I can't remember if I posted about this or not, but back at the start of this year when we swapped Xavier's paediatrician, the new paed suggested that Xavier should have an MRI. Because he has delays in several areas including his motor skills and speech and his balance seems to be affected the paed thought it would be irresponsible not to check and make sure everything was OK with his brain. This all sounded incredibly scary to me and over the top, so I asked our GP and also the opinion of Xavier's eye specialist, speech therapist and physiotherapist. They all whole heartedly agreed that an MRI was a good idea. The way everyone put it was that having the MRI was crossing anything nasty off the list. They said it wasn't a big deal, we do the MRI, everything goes fine and then we never have to worry about that again. So I agreed and put him on the wait list. We went last Weds to the children's hospital here in Melbourne and Xavier had his brain MRI. Because obviously a two and a half year old is not capable of lying still for the half hour that it takes to have the scan, Xav had to have a light anesthetic. He handled it all fine though and we were home by lunchtime.
On Friday Xavier's paed rang because we had made an appointment for June 30 to go see him to discuss the MRI results, but he had received the results already and they showed that everything was completely normal, and he didn't see the point in making us wait for that news. We were both very happy to have a clear MRI result but the paed was still cautious about things. He said that while he totally agrees this is a great result, he wants us to still realise that we still don't know the reason for Xavier's delays and we still have to keep working with him and keep exploring things. We have kept the appointment for June 30 to speak with him further.
I must admit some days I do worry about Xavier. He is a delight to us every day, we love him more than words can say, and we just want good things for him. Some days Joel and I will watch him do something, or be playing with him and he blows us away with something clever that he does. We both turn to each other and marvel at how well he is doing and how there is nothing at all wrong with him - that he is a normal happy kid. Then other days there are obvious concerns. I take him to a baby music class every Tuesday because he enjoys the activities and I think the socialisation is good. The instrument playing is also good for his co-ordination and motor skills. I completely know that one should not expect there child to be like other children because everyone is different. But there are about 10 other kids in the group that are the same age and I feel like Xavier is not like any of them. While the class holds their attention and they can follow each instruction and interact with the teacher, Xav seems oblivious to the fact that there is any structure. He just wanders around the room and does his own thing. The other kids look at him all puzzled wondering what he is doing, and I have seen other mum's giving both him and I some odd looks. Because it is winter here, several times over the last few weeks it has rained outside while we were at music group. The rain has been a total distraction for Xavier each time, and he has completely abandoned class to sit at the window and watch the rain. I have mentioned a few of these things to the paed and he says it is too early to make assumptions on this behaviour and that he will be able to be more accurately assessed once he is 4 or 5.
It is a really confusing time right now. I remember before having children I would wonder how I would cope if my child had a disability or a special need. I always knew it would make no difference in terms of my love for the child, and it absolutely does not. I always thought it would be incredibly hard, but really all these appointments and extra work are just things that need to be done, so you do them and you don't think much of it. One thing is for sure though - even if Xavier does end up having "something wrong with him" I still think he is perfect and I would still wish for more Xavier's in my life.
On Friday Xavier's paed rang because we had made an appointment for June 30 to go see him to discuss the MRI results, but he had received the results already and they showed that everything was completely normal, and he didn't see the point in making us wait for that news. We were both very happy to have a clear MRI result but the paed was still cautious about things. He said that while he totally agrees this is a great result, he wants us to still realise that we still don't know the reason for Xavier's delays and we still have to keep working with him and keep exploring things. We have kept the appointment for June 30 to speak with him further.
I must admit some days I do worry about Xavier. He is a delight to us every day, we love him more than words can say, and we just want good things for him. Some days Joel and I will watch him do something, or be playing with him and he blows us away with something clever that he does. We both turn to each other and marvel at how well he is doing and how there is nothing at all wrong with him - that he is a normal happy kid. Then other days there are obvious concerns. I take him to a baby music class every Tuesday because he enjoys the activities and I think the socialisation is good. The instrument playing is also good for his co-ordination and motor skills. I completely know that one should not expect there child to be like other children because everyone is different. But there are about 10 other kids in the group that are the same age and I feel like Xavier is not like any of them. While the class holds their attention and they can follow each instruction and interact with the teacher, Xav seems oblivious to the fact that there is any structure. He just wanders around the room and does his own thing. The other kids look at him all puzzled wondering what he is doing, and I have seen other mum's giving both him and I some odd looks. Because it is winter here, several times over the last few weeks it has rained outside while we were at music group. The rain has been a total distraction for Xavier each time, and he has completely abandoned class to sit at the window and watch the rain. I have mentioned a few of these things to the paed and he says it is too early to make assumptions on this behaviour and that he will be able to be more accurately assessed once he is 4 or 5.
It is a really confusing time right now. I remember before having children I would wonder how I would cope if my child had a disability or a special need. I always knew it would make no difference in terms of my love for the child, and it absolutely does not. I always thought it would be incredibly hard, but really all these appointments and extra work are just things that need to be done, so you do them and you don't think much of it. One thing is for sure though - even if Xavier does end up having "something wrong with him" I still think he is perfect and I would still wish for more Xavier's in my life.
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