This feels strange!

Here I am writing my first post of the new blog. Please bear with me while I iron out all the kinks. I am not the most computer elite person out there! For those of you who are new to my story, I have blogged for the past year under a pseudo name just to protect my privacy. But for a few different reasons I have decided to go au naturale for this new blog. I have met so many great friends who aren't afraid to put themselves out there and in doing this they really reach out and their stories are such great food for the soul. So I want to extend you all the same courtesy and just be myself.

For those of you who did read the last blog, thanks for moving across with me and let me get the introductions out of the way. My real name is Jo. I have a wonderful husband called Joel and a gorgeous 13 and a half month old boy called Xavier. As I have said in my title this is feeling really weird to be writing an intro on a completely new part of my life. But I am glad I am doing it and I am even more glad that you are sharing it with me.

The decision to move onto "Life after TTC" was a big struggle for me. One of the reasons I blog is because I hope to gain strength from the support of friends. As miraculous as Xavier is and as thankful as we are to have him, it is still with great sadness that my husband and I come to terms with the fact that we have lost a basic choice that most other people have. Even though we have a child, it still hurts to have the choice to have more taken away. It seems unfair and cruel and sometimes I feel like throwing a big tantrum. That is the honest truth. We have both male and female factor infertility at play in our situation. My problem (PCOS) has been giving me a lot of grief since I was a teenager. My main issue is that my periods are extremely heavy and nothing I try seems to help that. The bleeding is so heavy that more than once in my life my iron levels have been depleted through blood loss and I have become very sick. When I am experiencing the bleeding I cannot do things like attend work or sleep comfortably. I also get very unwell and weak and cannot pick up my son or do basic things like housework. I have been putting off treatment since Xavier was born because we decided to do more IVF. Then once that was over I still found I could not bring myself to seek treatment due to the fact that it represented the end of our TTC journey. Now I am finally in a place where I am peaceful with the decision to head back to my specialist and get it all sorted out. Apart from anything else, Xavier deserves a healthy mummy who can look after him.

I guess the first blog post is always the hardest so now that I have broken the ice I will sign off and get some sleep. Thanks again for reading and I look forward to sharing my story with you.