The studious type??

Hi all! As always there has been too much time between the last post and this one. Sorry sorry sorry! I have some news though...and no I'm not pregnant LOL

Before I give you the news I want to go over the background of the situation - Joel says there is never a one sentence piece of news with me, there is always a whole story. For the last few years I have been deciding what it is that I would like to do with my life career wise. I was a very good student in high school, got great marks and started university. After a year of it though I went through a stage where I lost my way. I had doubts about everything at that point in my life, it was a really difficult time for me. A good friend of mine, Lorraine, passed away to cancer at a very young age and extremely suddenly. It affected me greatly and while I often get embarrased to speak about it I will explain here on my blog that I developed an anxiety problem. Lorraine worked with me at my previous job. We were a tight knit little group of girls and had so much fun. Lorraine was vibrant, extremely funny, and forthright. She started feeling ill with stomach complaints and went to the doctor who told her she had a virus. After a week or two feeling unwell she went back and was told it was suspected she had some type of hernia. She took 2 weeks leave from work to rest and was given medication. At the end of the two weeks she was feeling worse so I guess she started taking things really seriously then and went to another doctor. After a number of tests she was told she had bowel cancer and was hospitalised for chemo and surgery. Two weeks later our beautiful friend passed away. So it was extremely sudden and out of nowhere.

I guess the randomness of it and the fact that she went from having "a virus" to dying within a month or two completely terrified me. I began to worry a lot about death - that I would die or that people I loved would. It started off as worries in the back of my mind and then I would find myself lying awake at night getting upset as if those worries had actually happened. I would have to remind myself "it's ok nothing has actually happened!" Then I found myself shying away from anything that would put me in harm's way so I all of a sudden would avoid driving in case I crashed and silly things like that. These silly things became full blown fears and i found I didn't want to get out of the house much if I could avoid doing so. I finally went to the doctor and spoke about what was happening. I was put on an anti-depressant which was good for reducing anxiety. I also was referred to a psychologist for counselling which helped a great deal. After about a year, I came off the medication under my doctor's supervision and was feeling a whole lot better. During the time when I wasn't feeling so fantastic I had passed my last semester of university but only just barely. Unfortuneately my anxiety issues had caused me to spend a lot of days in bed when I should have got out of that bed and gone in to lectures and things like that. After scraping through the semester I deferred and put my course on hold, intending to go back once I felt more like myself. When I emerged from this dark period I felt so differently about the way I wanted to live my life. I had always loved music and had been a keen musician (singer) all throughout high school. When school finished and I was applying to university I felt very torn between two loves - I wanted to be immersed in music so desperately and yet I felt I should pick something academic that would get me a career. Also, like I said I was a great student - I enjoyed studying and learning and was good at it. I loved both the academic side of myself and the musical side too.

The experience of what happened with Lorraine made me just want to have fun, enjoy myself and live my life. I auditioned for a performing arts college to complete a degree in Music. There were only 10 places for singers (5 boys and 5 girls) and they held auditions for a week. I found out a month or so later that I didn't get in and I was crushed. Then after a week, I got a phone call from the college to say somebody who was accepted had declined to offer and I was next on the list to have the spot. I was in!!! I withdrew from my previous course and entered the world of music. I completed my degree and on the way I met my darling husband who was a fellow student in my course. To this day I am extremely proud that I made that call. No, I am not a famous musician, but it was what I needed at the time and I am very glad to have had those years at music college. Plus the added bonus of finding a husband there was great too LOL!!

Well we all know the rest of the story from then up until now. Joel and I got married, and now we have Xavier and life has taken over. Being a mum, being a wife, putting food on the table, paying the bills etc has become the priority. Joel went back to school a few years ago and got a qualification and started his own business very successfully. I have lately been wondering if maybe I would like to return to study as well. God keeps telling me to put the journey of trying to have baby number 2 off. First there were health concerns and now that those have been address my heart is telling me to move in another direction. While I like my little job working in an office, I feel Xavier get older and he is already at 3 year old kinder. Next year it will be 4 year old kinder then will come school. I feel sometimes that while he is off at kinder I am at a loose end. I can only imagine what it will be like when he is at school 5 days a week.

And so, here is the conclusion....here is my news....I have decided to return to university. I have applied to start a Bachelor of Social Work next year. It will be off campus study, so I can study from home on a part time basis for now. But I have the option of transferring to on campus later on once Xavier is at school. It is a 4 year degree and because I am doing it part time for the first year or two it may take me just a little longer than that. I am extremely nervous and thrilled with my decision but scared to death too! I have submitted an application and I have to sit an entrance exam on Sun Oct 21. Please wish me luck and have me in your prayers and I will keep you posted.

Thanks again for getting all the way to the end of such a long post!
Jo xx