My angry anniversary

I have found it pretty hard to get this post out - but it's been on my mind for a little while now. I'll do my best! A few years ago now on Good Friday I gave my heart to Jesus and became a Christian. I am terrible with dates and times etc so I now just count Good Friday as my anniversary even though the date varies each year. At the time, I was going through a whole lot of hard things - issues with my sister, issues with infertility and I was feeling very lost, alone and unsettled. A friend of mine suggested I come to her church sometime. She sings in the church choir and often leads the choir in solos etc - she's a great singer - and she sort of used that to get me to church, as in "why don't you come and hear me sing..." I was happy to go, and very quickly found a place there. I went every week for quite some time, and began to learn more about God. Good Friday came and I was invited to attend a baptism which was taking place before the service on Good Friday morning. It was so powerful and I was enthralled. Then as part of the church service later on the pastor got everyone in the room to close their eyes and asked that anyone who was not a Christian but who would like to make the step, to please put their hand in the air for him to see. I found myself putting my hand up and I was the only one who did. After the service concluded and everyone was mingling and having tea and coffee, the pastor came and found me and spoke to me, and then asked me into a quiet room where we spoke further and prayed together and then I asked Jesus to come into my heart. It was a very powerful moment in my life and I shed tears while making this pledge. Since then I really have felt like a changed person. I have had my ups and downs and have lost my way a few times, but have always managed to find the way back to God in the end. I know my life has been all the better because God is now a part of it.
Last week though, I faced a tough time when Good Friday rolled around for another year, only to find myself very confused about God's will. Most of you will know of the beautiful Tammy, who after 7 years of disappointing BFN's finally received her BFP last Monday, only to have it be taken away 2 days later when her beta dropped. I am struggling to make sense of it, and I am sorry to say I feel not only confused, but kinda angry at God. Then on Good Friday itself I woke to the news on TV saying that a little girl who had gone missing last year - her parents had reported her abducted in a very highly publicised case - had been found dead overnight, and her parents had been arrested over the murder. Then I was very angry! All day, one word kept going through my head: "why???" Why do people like that get to have kids when good people like Tammy have to struggle? I don't understand! It is so very hard when God's will does not seem to match our own. I really hope God's will does become apparent soon, and that Tammy's baby will come into her life in some way, and that we all then are able to say "a ha!!! So that's what He had in mind!! That makes sense!!"
Tammy I know you must be in a lot of pain right now - and I am thinking of you always and praying for your peace. I know it probably doesn't come to you as much comfort now, but please know from my own experience that once you do have your baby in your arms it is going to make sense to you. Every tear and every heartbreak will all seem to fit together into a neat little puzzle that all seems relevant because it led to your child. Right now though, while you await that moment, please take care of yourself and find comfort in knowing that you have friends to help you through. xoxo