Xavier has an MRI

I can't remember if I posted about this or not, but back at the start of this year when we swapped Xavier's paediatrician, the new paed suggested that Xavier should have an MRI. Because he has delays in several areas including his motor skills and speech and his balance seems to be affected the paed thought it would be irresponsible not to check and make sure everything was OK with his brain. This all sounded incredibly scary to me and over the top, so I asked our GP and also the opinion of Xavier's eye specialist, speech therapist and physiotherapist. They all whole heartedly agreed that an MRI was a good idea. The way everyone put it was that having the MRI was crossing anything nasty off the list. They said it wasn't a big deal, we do the MRI, everything goes fine and then we never have to worry about that again. So I agreed and put him on the wait list. We went last Weds to the children's hospital here in Melbourne and Xavier had his brain MRI. Because obviously a two and a half year old is not capable of lying still for the half hour that it takes to have the scan, Xav had to have a light anesthetic. He handled it all fine though and we were home by lunchtime.
On Friday Xavier's paed rang because we had made an appointment for June 30 to go see him to discuss the MRI results, but he had received the results already and they showed that everything was completely normal, and he didn't see the point in making us wait for that news. We were both very happy to have a clear MRI result but the paed was still cautious about things. He said that while he totally agrees this is a great result, he wants us to still realise that we still don't know the reason for Xavier's delays and we still have to keep working with him and keep exploring things. We have kept the appointment for June 30 to speak with him further.

I must admit some days I do worry about Xavier. He is a delight to us every day, we love him more than words can say, and we just want good things for him. Some days Joel and I will watch him do something, or be playing with him and he blows us away with something clever that he does. We both turn to each other and marvel at how well he is doing and how there is nothing at all wrong with him - that he is a normal happy kid. Then other days there are obvious concerns. I take him to a baby music class every Tuesday because he enjoys the activities and I think the socialisation is good. The instrument playing is also good for his co-ordination and motor skills. I completely know that one should not expect there child to be like other children because everyone is different. But there are about 10 other kids in the group that are the same age and I feel like Xavier is not like any of them. While the class holds their attention and they can follow each instruction and interact with the teacher, Xav seems oblivious to the fact that there is any structure. He just wanders around the room and does his own thing. The other kids look at him all puzzled wondering what he is doing, and I have seen other mum's giving both him and I some odd looks. Because it is winter here, several times over the last few weeks it has rained outside while we were at music group. The rain has been a total distraction for Xavier each time, and he has completely abandoned class to sit at the window and watch the rain. I have mentioned a few of these things to the paed and he says it is too early to make assumptions on this behaviour and that he will be able to be more accurately assessed once he is 4 or 5.

It is a really confusing time right now. I remember before having children I would wonder how I would cope if my child had a disability or a special need. I always knew it would make no difference in terms of my love for the child, and it absolutely does not. I always thought it would be incredibly hard, but really all these appointments and extra work are just things that need to be done, so you do them and you don't think much of it. One thing is for sure though - even if Xavier does end up having "something wrong with him" I still think he is perfect and I would still wish for more Xavier's in my life.