I am ashamed to say it. As you all know, in June 2009 we undertook an FET. We achieved a pregnancy but were told it would be shortlived judging from my HCG numbers. This proved to be correct and I had an early miscarriage. I have since heard doctors describe my experience as a chemical pregnancy - a term I hate because I think it's as good as saying "not a real pregnancy". Had the pregnancy progressed my due date would have been March 6 2010. Last year on March 6 I was pretty upset. I think about it and I still feel such sadness. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of my baby at least once, and when I don't ask myself questions that start with the word "what" . What would it be like to have 2 children under 3 in my house? What gender would the baby have been? What would Xavier be like as a big brother? etc etc. Mainly these sorts of questions hit me late at night when I am lying in bed going off to sleep.
I felt terrible when I saw the date on the calendar the other day, and I saw that March 6 had past me by this year and I hadn't realised it. I don't know what this is supposed to mean but for some reason I feel really guilty about it.
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I think that sometimes the Lord provides distractions in our lives for days like March 6. It came and went, and it wasn't a sad day for you this year. That's okay. I even think it's a blessing. It certainly doesn't mean that you don't think about, miss, and love the baby that you lost. I think it means that God protected your heart from a day of grieving.
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Awww, sweetie. ((HUGS)) I love what Stacey said and she would know unfortunately having been through so much. Hang in there hun!
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